50 Shades of Black

Dear Friends,

So many areas of our culture concern me but today's national reveal or "event" tugs at my heart and turns my stomach.  I can't help but think of the precious young women we serve and the war that is waged upon them.  Today's "event" is a major battle in that war, a battle that can be won if only God's people refuse to engage in the "event."

Today is the opening of a destructive and demeaning film for every woman of every age. It is far from God's beautiful plan for us.  It is the opening of Fifty Shades of Grey.

I am honored to feature the thoughts of Dr. Miriam Grossman,  medical doctor with training in pediatrics and in the specialty of child, adolescent, and adult psychiatry. Dr. Grossman is also the author of Unprotected and You’re Teaching My Child WHAT?  Please read each word of her work and pray for the hearts and minds of all girls and women, particularly those who choose to attend this "battle event".

From  http://www.miriamgrossmanmd.com/

There’s nothing grey about Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s all black.

Let me explain.

I help people who are broken inside. Unlike doctors who use x-rays or blood tests to determine why someone’s in pain, the wounds I’m interested in are hidden. I ask questions, and listen carefully to the answers. That’s how I discover why the person in front of me is “bleeding”.

Years of careful listening have taught me a lot. One thing I’ve learned is that young people are utterly confused about love – finding it and keeping it. They make poor choices, and end up in lots of pain.

I don’t want you to suffer like the people I see in my office, so I’m warning you about a new movie called Fifty Shades of Grey. Even if you don’t see the film, its message is seeping into our culture, and could plant some dangerous ideas in your head. Be prepared.

Fifty Shades of Grey is being released for Valentine’s Day, so you’ll think it’s a romance. Don’t fall for it. The movie is actually about a sick, dangerous relationship filled with physical and emotional abuse. It seems glamorous, because the actors are gorgeous, they have expensive cars and private planes, and Beyonce is singing. You might conclude that Christian and Ana are cool, and that even though their relationship is different, it’s acceptable.

Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated by a Hollywood studio. The people there just want your money; they have no concern whatsoever about you and your dreams.

Abuse is not glamorous or cool.  It is never OK, under any circumstances.

This is what you need to know about Fifty Shades of Grey: as a child, Christian Grey was terribly neglected. He is confused about love because he never experienced the real thing. In his mind, love is tangled up with bad feelings like pain and embarrassment.  Christian has pleasure from controlling and  hurting women in bizarre ways. Anastasia is an immature girl who falls for Christian’s looks and wealth, and foolishly goes along with his desires.

In the real world, this story would end badly, with Christian in jail,  and Ana in a shelter – or morgue. Or maybe Christian would continue beating Ana, and she’d stay and suffer. Either way, their lives would most definitely not be a fairy tale. Trust me on this one.

As a doctor, I’m urging you: do NOT see Fifty Shades of Grey. Get informed, learn the facts, and explain to your friends why they shouldn’t see it either.

Here are a few of the dangerous ideas promoted by Fifty Shades of Grey:

1. Girls want guys like Christian who order them around and get rough.

No! A psychologically healthy woman avoids pain. She wants to feel safe, respected and cared for by a man she can trust. She dreams about       wedding gowns, not handcuffs.

2. Guys want a girl like Anastasia who is meek and insecure.

Wrong. A psychologically healthy man wants a woman who can stand up for herself.  If he is out of line, he wants her to set him straight.

3. Anastasia exercises free choice when she consents to being hurt, so no one can judge her decision.

Flawed logic. Sure, Anastasia had free choice – and she chose poorly. A self-destructive decision is a bad decision.

4. Anastasia makes choices about Christian in a thoughtful and detached manner.

I doubt that. Christian constantly supplies Anastasia with alcohol, impairing her judgement.  Also, Anastasia becomes sexually active with Christian – her first experience ever – soon after meeting him. Neuroscience suggests their intimacy could jump start her feelings of attachment and trust, before she’s certain he deserved them.  Sex is a powerful, intense experience – particularly the first time. Finally, Christian manipulates Anastasia into signing a legal agreement prohibiting her from telling anyone that he is a long time abuser.

Alcohol, sex, manipulation – hardly the ingredients of a thoughtful, detached decision.

5.   Christian’s emotional problems are cured by Anastasia’s love.

Only in a movie. In the real world, Christian wouldn’t change to any significant degree. If Anastasia was fulfilled by helping emotionally disturbed people, she should have become a psychiatrist or social worker.

6. It’s good to experiment with sexuality.

Maybe… for adults in a long term, healthy, committed, monogomous relationship, AKA “marriage”.

 Otherwise, you’re at high risk for STDs, pregnancy, and sexual assault. It’s wise to be very careful who you allow to get close to you, physically and emotionally, because just one encounter can throw you off track and change your life forever.

Bottom line: the power of Fifty Shades of Grey lies in its ability to plant seeds of doubt. There are vast differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships, but the movie blurs those differences, so you begin to wonder: what’s healthy in a relationship? What’s sick? There are so many shades of grey…I’m not sure.

Listen, it’s your safety and future we’re talking about here. There’s no room for doubt; an intimate relationship that includes violence, consensual or not, is unacceptable.

This is black and white. There are no shades of grey here. Not even one.

Miriam Grossman, MD.

The Twerker, the Witch and the Wedding - the 2014 Grammys

Sounds like a parody of CS Lewis' masterpiece to you?  Me too, but unfortunately the joke was not on The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe but the Christian worldview upon which the novel was based.   And that "joke" that parody, was led by women who were raised in Christian homes and now reside in the world of Hollywood.

You guessed it, the Grammys are on my mind and my heart.  I have waited weeks to let the unrest in my soul dissipate but to no avail.  I have prayed that God take this pain from me if it is His will.  Apparently it is not, the message remains in my soul.  In obedience, I write.

Did I watch the Grammys?  I did not, but I have seen enough video clips to be thankful I did not tune in.  Do I sometimes watch these Hollywood tributes? Yes, I do.  I believe recognizing the cultural climate of our society is something I must do to be an effective leader of a ministry for girls.  And, at times, I prayerfully enter into media targeted to youth that I prefer not to have to see or hear.  I know and you know that our girls are exposed to it everyday and if they are not personally exposed, their friends, their schoolmates and their generation are sure to have heard or seen the latest assault on purity.

The Grammys - from Beyonce's inappropriate attire and moves, to Katy Perry's witchy persona being burned  at the stake while demon- like entities dance in celebration, to Queen Latifah's recent "ordination" to perform "marriages"- the whole charade seemed like a vile missile whose target was anything pure, righteous and holy.

It is tempting to close our eyes, ears and minds to the latest production the mainstream media has for us, but how can we?  We have to engage our kids and talk about God's plan while helping them build an armor of protection.   We need to know about the topics of which they have knowledge and we need to talk about them.  How do we do this?  Through consistent conversations and bringing God's relevant Word into the dialogue and God loving behaviors that we model.

As you and your daughter listen to a song, watch a TV show, or attend a concert, talk about the values that are being presented and celebrated. "How does this song depict love? What does this TV show assume about marriage? How does this artist demonstrate purity?” Only through the power of His Word and consistent prayer can any of us repel the missiles that are being produced and launched daily by much of today's media. 

Meanwhile I continue to pray for Hollywood's elite so that the love of Christ and His righteousness may bring light and joy to their lives.  I hope you will join me.

To learn great techniques on how to lead from the heart on even tough subjects like this, consider joining me at the  2014 National Leadership Conference - we have alot to talk about!

Phew!  It is done.  Thanks for listening.

Until next time,
Patti

Teach these commandments.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Deuteronomy 6:7